Could this BE any more timely? Could this BE any sadder? Could he BE any more sorry about what he’s done to himself and others? The answer to these questions is NO, very much a NO.
Matthew Perry’s memoir, FRIENDS, LOVERS, AND THE BIG TERRIBLE THING, presents yet another chapter in one of the most popular television shows of all time. But he is very ready to address all of his personal demons in public. Perhaps by us knowing what has brought him to this point, he will feel seen and use our knowledge as a way to keep him on the straight and narrow path.
"Congratulations to [Matthew Perry] for being alive, first and foremost, and for writing a compelling, partly TMI book about one man’s battle against himself. Could there BE a more human story than that? I don’t think so."
There are plenty of memoirs in which celebrities tell you all about the behind-the-scenes horrors they have endured, but this book is different. Perry doesn’t really blame anyone but himself. And it’s a big deal to admit to everything one has done while masking pain in the giant world arena.
At a recent interview in Princeton, NJ, Perry looked wired but in a good way. He was sassy and spoke directly to the audience, echoing the sentiments put forth in his book: “I have an addictive personality, and now I can’t even be around drugs or alcohol.” He said he is pleased to be on the other side of this pain, but the people with whom he has burned bridges is a long and sad list.
Perry addresses his childhood, his attempts to be more like his father (the Old Spice guy from the ’80s), his brilliance at tennis (he was a junior champion in the US), his ability to keep the family peace as a people pleaser after his parents’ divorce, and his wandering into show business and the issues that arose when his dad, now remarried with a new family, grew jealous of him as “Friends” became a juggernaut.
He understands quite distinctly that his professional success did not make his personal shortcomings any easier, and the book is filled with the detritus of all the lost relationships with wonderful women (like Julia Roberts, Lizzy Caplan and Jamie Tarses, the latter of whom saved his life on more than one occasion) and the love he has fostered with his family. He is an AA advocate and has a newfound spirituality that gives him the strength to fight his addictions. This memoir is quite a journey.
There are a lot of details, physical ones, that make FRIENDS, LOVERS, AND THE BIG TERRIBLE THING feel a bit like a DARE notebook. It is a scared straight of sorts for those who think that addiction is not a disease (could they BE any more wrong?) This book could be handed to every kid who spent COVID lockdown watching “Friends” on repeat to remind them that drugs and alcohol never get rid of problems --- they only mask them.
Perry was part of a group of young actors, including Hank Azaria and Craig Bierko, who did not quite reach the heights that he did (although they have very successful careers), and how he became Chandler Bing is a story of fortune and destiny. He is more like the snarky, funny, vulnerable Chandler in person than he is in the book; in these pages he is forthright and funny at times, but angry and then resigned as his illness goes on.
To watch this handsome, talented man write so honestly about how his addiction and fears have turned him into a bachelor semi-recluse is a difficult read. As George Clooney once said, TV stars are like part of someone’s family: they are in your life like a family member, coming into your living room while you are resting in your underwear. We think of Chandler as someone we actually know. But Matthew Perry is a man, a survivor, an addict, a son, a friend --- a lot of things that FRIENDS, LOVERS, AND THE BIG TERRIBLE THING makes clear are now far more important to him than being an actor ever could be.
Congratulations to him for being alive, first and foremost, and for writing a compelling, partly TMI book about one man’s battle against himself. Could there BE a more human story than that? I don’t think so.
Reviewed by Jana Siciliano on November 21, 2022
