True Fey Etiquette - Story & Lore - D&D Beyond General - D&D Beyond Forums (2024)

It is said that Fey customs/etiquette is weird and hard to keep up with. So when running into Fey or going to the Feywild there is a general set of rules you see with some variation:

• Don't accept a gift from the fey.
• Don't consume the food or drink of the Feywild.
• Never dance with a fey.
• Never tell a fey your full name.
• Never stray from a path in the Feywild.
• Use your manners, but don't say "thank you" (or you owe them)
• Don't give a Fey (cheap) clothing
• Always keep your word.
• Don't repay more than you borrowed.

My issue with this is that only the last 3 or 4 are really showing of a different culture with different, more wild rules.

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I'm making an eladrin that has was born and raised in the Feywild, and has had many past lives in the Feywild. She should have a lot of culture shock from going into the material plane, but what would she do that is showing that she is from an entirely different plane of existence.

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Where I'm from there are some customs that are hard to explain or have mixed stories, such as no elbows on the table, or setting your napkin/handkerchief on your lap in a fancy restaurant. There is also small day to day things that change worldwide, such as how eye contact is treated. In the west it is important, in the east it is there but not as prevalent, and in some African cultures it's unnecessary or weird.

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What are some true customs/etiquette that you have use/can come up with/is in previous editions lores that show that they are from a completely different plane of existence that could be used in a Feywild adventure or with a Fey PC/NPC.

The Fae are always honest, it's the humans that always lie... Just make to think in such a way to think more Fae-ish. Never lie outright, but just make Jedi Truths or lies of omission. And expect such action from others.

A real Fae should be hard to trust they getting 100% truth out of those lying humans... Those crafty lying people...

The Fey are called the Fair Folk for a reason... The humans are always so unfair.

Do you know of Calvinball?

The basic rules of the game are that you never play by the same rules twice, you always make up a new rule to counter a previous rule due to some new technicality never encountered prior, points are judged by abstract and inequitable values...or collection of virtual things, everyone is expected to know the rules—even the ones not yet invented, and everyone has fun.

I expect Fey society to be something along those lines. 🤷‍♂️

EDIT: The only consistent rule in Calvinball is that all players wear a mask... quite appropriate to the Fey if one asked me.

Quote from DemigirlDemigod568 >>

It is said that Fey customs/etiquette is weird and hard to keep up with. So when running into Fey or going to the Feywild there is a general set of rules you see with some variation:

• Don't accept a gift from the fey.
• Don't consume the food or drink of the Feywild.
• Never dance with a fey.
• Never tell a fey your full name.
• Never stray from a path in the Feywild.
• Use your manners, but don't say "thank you" (or you owe them)
• Don't give a Fey (cheap) clothing
• Always keep your word.
• Don't repay more than you borrowed.

My issue with this is that only the last 3 or 4 are really showing of a different culture with different, more wild rules.

I’m actually curious - what happens if you tell a fey your full name?

Quote from Ihsan997 >>

Quote from DemigirlDemigod568 >>

It is said that Fey customs/etiquette is weird and hard to keep up with. So when running into Fey or going to the Feywild there is a general set of rules you see with some variation:

• Don't accept a gift from the fey.
• Don't consume the food or drink of the Feywild.
• Never dance with a fey.
• Never tell a fey your full name.
• Never stray from a path in the Feywild.
• Use your manners, but don't say "thank you" (or you owe them)
• Don't give a Fey (cheap) clothing
• Always keep your word.
• Don't repay more than you borrowed.

My issue with this is that only the last 3 or 4 are really showing of a different culture with different, more wild rules.

I’m actually curious - what happens if you tell a fey your full name?

... sort of like, if you have a gate spell AND you know a specific entity's true name you can summon that entity to your location from anywhere on any plane? If a fey has your true name they have power over you. (Jim Butcher's Dresden Files books do a REALLY good job of illustrating fey behavior in Titania and Mab's courts...)

Just like accepting a gift means you owe them something in return. As does saying thank you. Repaying a debt with more than you borrowed puts them in YOUR debt, which they dislike. They will overcompensate, putting you in THEIR debt. (Fey actually make REALLY INTERESTING warlock patrons...)

Wow, in that case, I’m actually fascinated by the OP’s character concept. I wish I could contribute more, but I’ll at least want to see what everyone comes up with.

EDIT: actually, I have two prompts that the OP could explore if they so choose. I can’t contribute to the lore, but I’m thinking about the possibilities. Maybe these scenarios, and the process of imagining how the OP’s character would react, could help with development of her social mores.

@DemigirlDemigod568 , how would your character react when she was told “thank you” on the prime plane for the first time? If she were in a settlement, even holding a door open for someone or moving aside for a farmer pulling a sack of wheat would earn her thanks, yet the people wouldn’t likely be willing to repay her a debt or even talk to her beyond that. How would she react? Would she be amused, feel betrayed, or merely confused?

Were your character to be introduced to new people on the prime material plane, those people may tell her their full names, as well as their professions. They might even add the empty phrase “at your service.” Would she take advantage of that knowledge? If so, would she understand why people from the prime would react poorly?

Most of these rules are also in the Dresden Files book series. If you have a chance, listen to them or read them and you can get a lot of examples how to play fey as well as how they interact with others.

A name has power. Giving another your full true (not abbreviation/nicknames) name gives others power over you. They can curse, hex, bewitch, use divination, enchant/enthrall, kill, and any other whim upon you having your full name (as per general lore, not just D&D).

Quote from EricHVela >>

Do you know of Calvinball?

The basic rules of the game are that you never play by the same rules twice, you always make up a new rule to counter a previous rule due to some new technicality never encountered prior, points are judged by abstract and inequitable values...or collection of virtual things, everyone is expected to know the rules—even the ones not yet invented, and everyone has fun.

I expect Fey society to be something along those lines. 🤷‍♂️

EDIT: The only consistent rule in Calvinball is that all players wear a mask... quite appropriate to the Fey if one asked me.

I would add to this that the Fey never tell others exactly what their rules are. They just expect you to know and abide by them. So when you get into trouble for breaking a rule, or fall victim to your own stupidity, it is your own fault.

Even if you know some of the rules, the rules can often change to reflect the circ*mstances. You said this too, but I think it's more that the Fey make up their rules, dependant upon the the situation, rather than having preestablished rules, that are altered by other preestablished rules when one thing or another happens.

So instead of it being; this happened so rule three applies, it's more like this happened so I am going to create a new variation of the rule to fit the circ*mstances of this situation.

It just seems as though the Fey have all these preestablished rules because once a rule has been created, it will be used again. It might be hundreds or thousands of years before that rule is needed again, but Fey live so long and their experience of time is so different that a long time for a human, is no time at all for a Fey.

This is why humans and almost all other creatures fall victim to the Fey, and why the Fey are considered so tricky. When it comes to the Fey, even if a human or other mortal thinks they know, it's impossible to know for sure, and it is most likely that you don't know what you think you do.

With all the above in mind, I would think that an Eladrin who has only ever experienced the Fey and and Feywild, would find it extremely hard to funcrion on the material plane; surrounded by people, that to her, are total idiots.

And that is not to mention that she would find herself in a cold, dark, grey world totally and utterly devoid of the beauty of her home.

I can honestly see such a character falling into a deep state of melancholy, from which it would be extremely hard for her to recover.

Quote from Xel_Unknown >>

The Fae are always honest, it's the humans that always lie... Just make to think in such a way to think more Fae-ish. Never lie outright, but just make Jedi Truths or lies of omission. And expect such action from others.

A real Fae should be hard to trust they getting 100% truth out of those lying humans... Those crafty lying people...

The Fey are called the Fair Folk for a reason... The humans are always so unfair.

I made an Eladrin character before like the OP's and completely focused on this rule. So much so that I imposed to my DM that if my character outright lies, they take physic damage.

I would also tack on unless you're 100% positive about your contract, never make a deal. My party members would laugh each time when I fooled an NPC's contract by pointing out the wording. "You said X, but you never specified about which X". Playing as one it's up to you if you wish the "correct" some request of an NPC or if you wish to exploit it.

Depending on how sneaky you wish to be about your wording, try making some phrases using "hom*onyms". They are a bit more difficult to just insert into conversation but can lead to some very interesting RP if used correctly.

Lastly I have the following rules attached directly to my character folder that I always think over before a game. I highly recommend keeping these in mind while playing your character.

Quote from Drowlord15 >>

Satyrs dance with people all the time, so I think you can get rid of that rule.

Satyrs dance with people to Charmed them, that’s exactly why one should never dance with them.

I ran a fey adventure in my campaign recently, it was great! Some of the ideas I used:

• Some fey will try to be tricksy at all times, and everything discussed revolves around a potential trade or owing something; while some fey are more honest about their intentions and dealings. Fey, like any other types of peoples, vary and not every single one follows the same values.
• Fey prefer to trade things instead of coin, but will trade coin if convinced. They might ask for a drop of blood without explaining why, a story, a song, an item worth equal value, an item of high value to the PC but of little coin value, or an item from a different plane of existence.
• Some fey may be quite paranoid or otherwise curious about visitors from a different plane. They might openly stare, whisper among themselves, or outright go up and ask questions.

In my homebrew campaign, Eladrin actually come from their own country which was heavily influenced by the Feywild upon creation, and is sectioned into 6 different courts based on seasons (the 4 seasons, an allseason court, and a seasonless court), and each have different mannerisms based on that influence, which can vary widely. Alternatively, when my PCs visited the Feywild, they found themselves in courts based on times of day (dawn, midday, dusk, midnight) which roughly translated seasonally but had their own unique customs based on that. For instance, offering light in the Midnight court was to show politeness and courtesy without necessarily inciting a trade or making another owe them, though a trisky type might take advantage.

Perhaps some of the things your Eladrin finds odd:

• Dancing, especially being asked to dance.
• Trading for coin. Shinies are valuable, but a barter society makes more sense. And why won't this bartender accept a humorous story for lodging?
• Saying please and thank you.
• Staring being rude.
• Shaking hands to seal deals.
• Breaking promises, oaths; not doing what you'll say you'll do. Traitors, liars. A lie could be a huge offense.
• Eating random fruit/plants even if someone swears they're safe, since in the feywild something usually safe might not always be.
• Taking from nature without offering anything in return, especially if it destroys the plant, like cutting down trees.
• Merchants selling things for more than their common value. Alternatively, the idea of a "set" value for any given item, as perhaps instead it's more about what the item is worth to someone buying than to the merchant.

Gotta love the Feywild, it's definitely my favorite.

Quote from DemigirlDemigod568 >>

It is said that Fey customs/etiquette is weird and hard to keep up with. So when running into Fey or going to the Feywild there is a general set of rules you see with some variation:

• Don't accept a gift from the fey.
• Don't consume the food or drink of the Feywild.
• Never dance with a fey.
• Never tell a fey your full name.
• Never stray from a path in the Feywild.
• Use your manners, but don't say "thank you" (or you owe them)
• Don't give a Fey (cheap) clothing
• Always keep your word.
• Don't repay more than you borrowed.

My issue with this is that only the last 3 or 4 are really showing of a different culture with different, more wild rules.

----

The rules you quoted are mostly guidelines for none fey to follow while in the feywild to avoid getting in trouble. Not the codes the fey, and all who reside within the feywild are bound to.

I think one of the fey laws might read more like "All which given, and accepted must be paid back in turn, but can never be taken back"

Meaning that any gift you accept in the feywild incurs a debt that must be repaid with something of equal value, or at least something the initial giver will value equally. A debt can be avoided by not accepting the gift, but once it is accepted you can't wipe away the debt simply by giving it back. Likewise the giver can not take their gift back even if they wanted to.

This is actually where the name rule comes in to. There is really no issue with telling others your name while in the feywild, but problems arise when you "give" someone your name. Your "gift" will incur them a debt, but they still now own your name, and you can't get it back.

Quote from DemigirlDemigod568 >>

It is said that Fey customs/etiquette is weird and hard to keep up with. So when running into Fey or going to the Feywild there is a general set of rules you see with some variation:

• Don't accept a gift from the fey.
• Don't consume the food or drink of the Feywild.
• Never dance with a fey.
• Never tell a fey your full name.
• Never stray from a path in the Feywild.
• Use your manners, but don't say "thank you" (or you owe them)
• Don't give a Fey (cheap) clothing
• Always keep your word.
• Don't repay more than you borrowed.

Noted. One of the PCs I am playing as is a Satyr warlock, born and raised in the Feywild, so he would recite this list of rules to his party if they ever go into the feywild / when fey are expected.

However, he will add "And don't trust old women that live alone in the forest" due to tragic backstory reasons. Refers to hags, of course. Freaking hags.